Low-waisters

Attention please, all dedicated female fashionistas
Listen up young ladies, here’s a message for you sisters

It currently may be in vogue for waistlines to hang low
And for navels and their piercings to be blatently on show

But if you choose to wear your jeans slung down around your hips
I urge you, show some self-restraint when tucking into chips

Stick strictly to a regimen of fruit and veg that’s fresh
For nothing’s less attractive than the sight of too much flesh

You may believe you’re beautiful as down the road you strut
Displaying for the world to see, the horror of your gut

But it's really quite revolting to be showing off your fat
In jeans designed for skinny girls with tummies taught and flat

And when those jeans are worn with heels on which you’re forced to hobble
The result is just an increase in your lumber-region wobble

So if you have no will-power and you feel you must indulge
Show some consideration, please, and cover up your bulge

Gillette

The Tournament looms and the TV ads beckon
Our screens are awash with a stubble-less Beckham

‘The Best a Man can Get’, Gillette constantly raves
But we already know every footballer shaves

For the customary post-goal removal of vests
Reveals to us all those smooth shiny chests

A Plea to Thierry Henry en Franglais

Je parle, I think, Thierry Henry
Pour tous les Arsenal fans, and me
Quand je vous dis you must not go
Parce-que l’équipe will miss you trop

Je ne veux pas devenir a moaner
But how can you move to Barcelona?
Désirez-vous un peu plus de soleil?
We’ll get you a sun-bed and make you stay!

Pouvez-vous vraiment let down poor Arsène
Et lui dire you’ll no longer be one of his men?
Si nous considerons vos impressive stats
It’s clear those boys need you at Emirates

So when Rijkaart calls, say no and mean no
Don’t join the ranks of Ronaldinho
Je vous en pris, ne quittez-pas
For all the Arsenal fans, et moi!

I have set up this blog as a creative outlet for my poetry and art.